Saturday, February 25, 2006

CBC News: Vancouver mayor to wave Olympic flag from his wheelchair

CBC News: Vancouver mayor to wave Olympic flag from his wheelchair: "The mayor of Vancouver, host of the 2010 Winter Games, hasn't let being a quadriplegic interfere with his goal to accept the Olympic flag during the closing ceremonies of the Torino Olympics.

Sam Sullivan, who broke his neck in a skiing accident at age 19, was at a preview of the customized flag-holder he will attach to his wheelchair for the Sunday afternoon ceremony."

CBC Toronto - Wheel-Trans buses to get security cameras

CBC Toronto - Wheel-Trans buses to get security cameras: "The Toronto Transit Commission will install cameras in its vehicles for the disabled after the second sexual assault charge against a Wheel-Trans driver in the past two months.

On Monday, a 54-year-old woman reported that she was attacked on a Wheel-Trans bus.

The driver, a 36-year-old man, was charged with sexual assault. He was released on bail after making a court appearance Thursday.

The suspect was also suspended from his job pending the outcome of the case, said Wheel-Trans spokesperson Bob Thacker."

Friday, February 24, 2006

Intricat -- On Our Life after the Fall [of Man] -- bits & pcs of thots -- Romans 5:3-5

Intricat -- On Our Life after the Fall [of Man] -- bits & pcs of thots -- Romans 5:3-5: "SUFFERING was not there in the Garden of Eden. B4 the Fall there was NO PAIN, no fear, no doubt, no abuse in relationships, NO DISTORTED THOTS, no mixed motives, no shame, NO LOSS, no weeping. YET after all these years since the Fall, it is a known fact that WE ALL do suffer in some ways. Then what does all of that have to do with GOD?"

Angela's Art Corner

Angela's Art Corner:

"I have Marks to Make"

My work is basically abstract in style because I choose to work with color and a more intuitive approach to painting. While looking at each painting you may wonder what I was thinking while painting. I assure you that every painting has a meaning. The ability to paint my emotions is what I find so therapeutic about art.

CBC News: Son hopes elderly mom's separation death wasn't 'in vain'

CBC News: Son hopes elderly mom's separation death wasn't 'in vain': "The son of a 91-year-old woman in British Columbia who died alone after being forcibly separated from her husband is optimistic some good may come from his mother's death."

Fanny Albo died earlier this month, two days after she was moved out of the Kootenay regional hospital in Trail that was also caring for her husband of seven decades, Al. She was sent to a long-term-care facility in Grand Forks, more than 100 kilometres away.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

Memoirs of a Geisha (2005): "Nitta Sayuri reveals how she transcended her fishing-village roots and became one of Japan's most celebrated geisha"

Inside I'm Dancing (2004)

Inside I'm Dancing (2004): "When the kinetic Rory moves into a home for the disabled, he changes the life of a young man with cerebral palsy, encouraging him to experience life outside the confines of 'the system.'"

In America (2002)

In America (2002): "An Irish immigrant family adjusts to life in the United States."

Mrs. Miniver (1942)

Mrs. Miniver (1942): "The Minivers, an English 'middle-class' family experience life in the first months of World War II. While dodging bombs..."

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Most Emailed Stories

Most Emailed Stories: "25 Most E-Mailed Stories for the Past 24 Hours"

Pythonline

Pythonline

The official Monty Python Web site

Monty Python's Personal Best and Flying Circus | PBS

Monty Python's Personal Best and Flying Circus | PBS: "The 'Pythons' burst onto the scene in October 1969 when 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' debuted in Britain on the BBC to a startled UK audience. The series' 45 episodes ran until December 1974. American audiences were first introduced to such phrases as 'nudge, nudge, wink, wink,' 'naughty bits' and 'nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!' when local PBS stations obtained broadcast rights to the series in 1974. The series returns to PBS in April 2006."

Monty Python's Personal Best and Flying Circus | PBS

Monty Python's Personal Best and Flying Circus | PBS: "“Monty Python’s Personal Best,” a series of six outrageous one-hour specials showcasing the groundbreaking comedians with new footage and original clips, will premiere on PBS February 22, 2006."

CBC Arts: PBS brings back 'Monty Python'

CBC Arts: PBS brings back 'Monty Python': "More than 30 years after introducing American audiences to the Monty Python gang, PBS is preparing to relive its adventures with dead parrots and silly walks.

Beginning Wednesday, the public broadcaster will air six new Monty Python specials, produced exclusively for PBS. The series will air Feb. 22, March 1 and March 8 in two-hour blocks."

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Warning Labels

Warning Labels

Warning! Keep your pants on when sitting in the Interactive Health
massage chair featuring "Human Touch Technology." The full text of
this important safety tip read: "Do not use massage chair without
clothing." That warning is a winner of the Wacky Warning Label
Contest. Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show
that fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common
sense, sponsors an annual contest for the wackiest warning labels.

Second Place: "Do not use snow blower on the roof."
Third Place: "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."

Here are some Previous winners in the "Wacky Warning Label Contest"
for your amusement and amazement:

--A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions, "This
product not intended for use as a dental drill."
--A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user: "Remove
child before folding."
--A bottle of prescription sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause
drowsiness."
--A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan
actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."
--A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the
Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
--An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire,
flame, or sparks."
--A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while
sleeping or unconscious."
--A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."
--A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner."
--A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."

ACTUAL WARNINGS

ACTUAL WARNINGS

1. On a blanket from Taiwan -NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE
MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink AFTER OPENING, KEEP
UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray -THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -TO AVOID CONDENSATION
FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles OPEN OTHER END.

8. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE
BREAKFAST CEREAL?

9. On a Sears hairdryer -DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

10. On a bag of Fritos -YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.
DETAILS INSIDE.

11. On a bar of Dial soap -DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

12. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-DO NOT TURN
UPSIDE DOWN.

13. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

14. On a Korean kitchen knife -WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

15. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE
ONLY.

16. On a Superman Halloween Costume- WARNING: THIS COSTUME WILL NOT ENABLE
YOUR CHILD TO FLY.

more faith

I heard a story years ago which, I hope, will bring a lot of comfort to those who are taunted with the "if you had more faith..." issue. I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear.

The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."

The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?"

"Yes I do," she replied.

"Then the next time someone says that hit, them over the head with the cane," He said. "Then tell them 'If you had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'"

I Love Laughter - 10000345

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her*
daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"

A farmer finally decided to buy a TV.

A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day.

The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again.

When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads.

The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.

When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem.

The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader.

Office Pranks

Office Pranks

1. Go into MS Word or similar program on co-worker's computer, and add an entry to the AutoCorrect feature. This is a very simple prank that will send the novice user into frenzy. Configure the AutoCorrect option to replace the word "the" with the phrase "You're an idiot." They will usually panic and start scanning for viruses.

2. Take clear tape and tape the underside of the mouse. Make sure you take the sticky end of the tape and apply it to the bottom of the mouse so it locks the ball in place. The victim will most likely check the connections in the back, reinstall drivers, reboot, etc. before they realize what has happened.

3. Another gem is to do a "Print Screen" of the user's desktop, and then paste the image from the clipboard to a photo program, and save the image as a bitmap. Then, set the 'snapshot' of their desktop as the actual desktop wallpaper. The user will see their desktop as always, but everything on it will appear to be frozen when they try to click on it, sending them into a rebooting and virus scanning fit.

4. This will mostly only work with people with very little PC knowledge. Stick in a floppy in their floppy drive. They will be unable to boot up windows until the disk is out. This is fun to watch.

5. Try to find a very obnoxious CD laying around. Pop it in their CD ROM. Put up the sound full blast by double clicking on the volume control on the bottom right. On normal configurations the audio CD will auto-play when windows first starts up. The person starting up their PC in the morning will definitely be embarrassed.

6. This is for that special person you just can't stand in the office, the one who talks on the phone all day with their boyfriend/girlfriend and gets personal email all day. Go into their email and change their defaults to automatically blind copy their boss. Heads will roll.

7. Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf. Wait about three weeks and switch to espresso.

8. Try password securing someone's screen saver. First I suggest changing the screen saver to scrolling marquee and inserting your own word or phrase, "Mr. Jones (president or supervisor) eats beans" or something to that effect.

9. Pop out the "m" and "n" key on someone's keyboard and reverse the two.
Any flat tool will work. Just pry it with little pressure and they will easily come right off. Then just sit back and watch the confusion.

10. With someone who is on the phone a lot during work. This works if you have phones that the handset comes apart. Take the handset apart and put scotch tape over the mouthpiece inside. They can still be heard, but they have to talk loud to be heard. The next day take it off, and put it in the earpiece. Usually they will be yelling to the other person on the line the next day, and won't be able to hear them. When they complain about the phone, and get a replacement, do it on the next phone. After about a week you will notice the calls to be down considerably.

And finally...

11. Depending where you are at you may have a cafeteria in you place of work. Every week most of them put out a menu so you know what they are serving. Usually it is done on Word or Excel, and not extremely fancy. With a little work, matching fonts, and images you can make your own menus, and post them by your desk. We had one co-worker avoid the cafeteria for 2 weeks because of the selection "fish head stew" etc. before he caught on. Works great with picky eaters.

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

- All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

- I am at one with my duality.

- Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

- I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.

- Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

- I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

- Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

- False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

- Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute...I'll find someone.

- Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

- The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

- I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

- Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents.

- To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

The Shopper's Prayer

Armani
Which Art in Hermes
Hallowed be thy Gucci
Thy Cartier watch
Thy Prada bag
on Rodeo
As it is in Tiffany's
Give us this day, our Visa Gold
And forgive us this overdraft
As we forgive those who stop our Mastercard
Lead us not into JC Penney
And deliver us from Sears
For thine is the Chanel, the Gaultier and the Versace
For Dolce and Gabbana
Amex

Bad Commencement Advice.....

Bad Commencement Advice.....

14. "*Never* take the DA's first offer."

13. "As you endeavor to make your mark in the world, remember
this passage from 'Mein Kampf'..."

12. "There is no problem so small that it can't be solved with
excessive violence."

11. "College can wait. Take a few years off to hone your Mortal
Kombat skills to razor-sharp perfection!"

10. "As you walk down that great highway of life, ask yourself
one question: Why don't I own a car?"

9. "Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards."

8. "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask who you can sue."

7. "If you see someone who looks like they might be from another
country, greet him or her with a warm handshake and say, 'Welcome to
America, Pancho!'"

6. "Computer science has already peaked, therefore I recommend
the plumbing sciences."

5. "Get rich quick schemes NEVER work -- be patient and embezzle
slowly over long periods of time."

4. "Remember: It's not important WHAT you do, so long as it gets
you on TV."

3. "Max out that credit card right away -- the bank never would
have given it to you if you didn't have a high paying job in your
immediate future."

2. "If there's one thing the world needs, it's more mimes."

and the Number 1 Worst Word of Advice in a Commencement Speech...

1. "You can never own too many cats."

beef tonge

A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's counter. The lady asks, "What in the world is that?"

"Beef tongue," replies the butcher!

The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, "No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal's mouth!"

The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman's shopping cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs!"

Friday, February 17, 2006

tiny things are nice: Petra.

tiny things are nice: Petra.: "Petra is latin for rock or stone. Petra is also the name of a lady that comes into our library every saturday. She walks with a walker. She has a disability which has disfigured her legs. She also seems to have a mental disability. She lives alone and is fiercely independent. This causes problems because when people see her struggiling with the door and her walker, they try to help and she barrades them angrily each time. Sometimes calling them stupid or idiots. Regulars know her and know not try to help her. Petra carries around a little grey doll that looks like a mouse or a ferret.It is called 'Mommy'. it has no ears and a pointy nose and it wears a little green outfit (little cordorouy overalls actually), shoes and a blue cape. I absolutely love it. She talks to it all the time and holds it close to her mouth as she talks."

Zap2it - TV news - 'Office' Hours Extended, 'Joey' Back at NBC

Zap2it - TV news - 'Office' Hours Extended, 'Joey' Back at NBC: "NBC has decided to keep 'The Office' open for a while longer this season, extending the show's run into May. 'Joey' is also returning to the network's schedule, where it gets the unenviable task of airing opposite 'American Idol.'"

Sunday, February 12, 2006

arcsldsh1 on Slide - Photo Sharing

arcsldsh1 on Slide - Photo Sharing

my photos

My Slide - Adam Cohoon

My Slide - Adam Cohoon


25 ways you kmow your Canadian

1. You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".




2. You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."




3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.




4. You drink Pop, not Soda.




5. You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean




6. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars and no Americans.




7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.




8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.




9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.




10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.




11. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.




12. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & many more, are Canadians.




13. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!




14. You know what a touque is.




15. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.




16. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee"




17. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages,but requires 6 pages for hockey.


18. You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.




19. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.




20. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.




21. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan". (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)




22. You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.




23. You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.




24. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than,"Huh?"




25. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends!!!! and then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further (hehe)

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Onstar

f I lock my keys in my car, all I have to do is call OnStar and they unlock my car.

If the car is stolen, they can lock all the doors and trap the thief in the car.

Whenever my wife tells me she is taking the car to go shopping, I call OnStar and tell them my car has been stolen.

A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's bar

A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's bar for some time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender. One evening, emboldened by hunger, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through the back door. Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when Gabe slammed the door, severing the cat's tail at its base. This proved too much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired on the spot. Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business.

The mandatory closing time arrived and Gabe was in the process of locking up after the last customers had gone. Approaching the back door he was startled to see an apparition of the old cat mournfully holding its severed tail out, silently pleading for Gabe to put the tail back on its corpse so that it could go on to the kitty afterworld complete.

Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost: "I can't. You know the law: I can't retail spirits after 2:00 AM."

Who is calling?

Not sounding anything like my name, I asked, "Who is calling?

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer company or something like that, so I asked him if he knew William personally and why was he calling this number. I then said off to the side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood" then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case. I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned, and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position at work and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes.

My meal was cold, but after what I had done, very enjoyable.

I Love Laughter - A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash, and the barman says, "Wow, that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my Rottweiler would beat him easy." Fifty bucks is laid down. Out in the yard, the Rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.

Another drinker says his Pit Bull will win, but the bet is 100 bucks.

Another trip to the yard and, when it's all over, there are bits of Pit Bull Terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, "Say, what breed is that anyway?"

The owner says, "Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink, it was the same breed as every other alligator."

Crazy Signs and Sayings

Crazy Signs and Sayings

Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.
-- sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge

Mattie's Restaurant and Yogurt Palace, "An alternative to Good
Eating" -- Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas

Truth is that which cannot be proved false. -- Dick Morris

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday. -- sign in a Moscow Hotel

Half this game is ninety percent mental.
-- Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies team manager

We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite
unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to
recover. -- Parish Magazine

I didn't know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song.
-- Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor's breakfast, Fort
Worth, Texas

Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and
one word only: Super Bowl. -- Bill Peterson, football coach

They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they
take them off. -- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the
company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of
pliers.

Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained.
-- Restaurant sign in Langkawi, Malaysia

Speaking ill of the dead is a grave mistake. (Tiff Wimberly)

cynics guide to life

1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

7. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

9. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

10. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

11. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!

12. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

13. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

14. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

15. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel, it's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.

16. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

17. Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't you can't wait to throw up

Thursday, February 09, 2006

CBC.CA - Torino 2006 - Broadcast Schedules - CBC Television

CBC.CA - Torino 2006 - Broadcast Schedules - CBC Television: "Broadcast Schedules - CBC Television

CBC Television | Olympic Schedule

Times shown are Eastern Time. Daytime broadcasts will be Live Full Network. Evening Olympic Prime Time broadcasts will be Live Ontario East/Delays West. Olympic Late Night broadcasts will be broadcast at the time shown, Local Time"

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video:


"Life Bloored, I Duct taped a camera to my electric wheelchair, a very fast drive

My name is Adam Cohoon I am 24 years old. I moved to Toronto around five years ago. I live on Bloor Street in the Annex. I was born with cerebral palsy. I use an electric wheelchair to get around the city.

My short video is a sped up trip of my favourite strolling route through my neighbourhood. The route goes from my apartment building along Bloor to Bathurst then back along the other side of Bloor Street. All at an accelerated speed to turn a half an hour journey into a video of just a few minutes.

The video captures the route from my view I enjoy this route but the neighbourhood is not totally wheelchair accessible there some shops that has steps in order to get into them. Some of the curbs in the neighbourhood are steep too.

The video is also about how this neighbourhood has really influenced my love of the arts, whether it is visual, music, film or video. I have really come to enjoy them. I am constantly exposed to them right in my area and just grew to really appreciate them.

In the video I also add my sense of humour. Throughout
writer/narrator: Adam Cohoon"

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video: "LIFE BLOORED
ARC230880 MEDIA / TSV
6 min 39 sec"

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video



Life Bloored, I Duct taped a camera to my electric wheelchair, a very fast drive

My name is Adam Cohoon I am 24 years old. I moved to Toronto around five years ago. I live on Bloor Street in the Annex. I was born with cerebral palsy. I use an electric wheelchair to get around the city.

My short video is a sped up trip of my favourite strolling route through my neighbourhood. The route goes from my apartment building along Bloor to Bathurst then back along the other side of Bloor Street. All at an accelerated speed to turn a half an hour journey into a video of just a few minutes.

The video captures the route from my view I enjoy this route but the neighbourhood is not totally wheelchair accessible there some shops that has steps in order to get into them. Some of the curbs in the neighbourhood are steep too.

The video is also about how this neighbourhood has really influenced my love of the arts, whether it is visual, music, film or video. I have really come to enjoy them. I am constantly exposed to them right in my area and just grew to really appreciate them.

In the video I also add my sense of humour. Throughout
writer/narrator: Adam Cohoon

Life Bloored: Narration

I grew up in a couple of small towns in southern Bruce County, Ontario. In what seems to be a geographic black hole for mostly anybody outside of that part of southern Ontario. The population of both towns was about 7000. Since I was five years old I was always mesmerized with Toronto, I knew I was going to live there some day. Even if we were just passing through on a family vacation I could not fall asleep in the car just in case I missed seeing the CN Tower and the skyscrapers that filled the skyline.

Before I left the county a former Torontoian told me don't talk to your Toronto , It is not worth your time, just keep to yourself small town sidewalk chats don’t work in Toronto

Moving to Toronto was a great solution to solve some of the logistical obstacles that I had to deal with growing up in small town Ontario. In 1998 my dream came true, I WAS LIVING IN T.O.!!!
I originally lived near Younge & Davisville. Then in early in 2000 I moved to the Annex.

With lots of independently owned shops, there are only a few big chain shops in the chain shops. The independent stores always give the neighbourhood a unique feeling. I can buy almost anything I need on regular basis right in my neighbourhood. Mind you there are some cool shops in the are want to shop at but can't because of inaccessibility.

The area is not totally perfect there are some shops that are not wheelchair accessible, most by just one step. That is another reason why I would say it reminds me of back home, main street there is the same way.

Being close to the University of Toronto the neighbourhood has a youthful adventurous feeling to it being a young person myself it helps me feel good. My church Knox Presbyterian is full of young people. So I definitely feel like there are people my age I can relate to.

With the street musicians and other musical events it helped expose me to all sorts of music. It really influenced my love of jazz and classical music. I enjoyed listening to it on the street , on a summer night you can have as many seven street musicians playing , music coming out of the many bars and pubs , and wonderful classical music performances coming out of a local church. I thoroughly enjoyed it. started listening to it at home , now I can say I love mostly all music. Music is now a key aspect of my life. I have also learned asking people what kind of music or what are you listening to? If they have headphones on, can start wonderful converstations.

It was also at an Annex art show, which they hold all the time that I fell in love with the visual arts. I can't afford much art but I look at all things around me in a different visual way. It has also encouraged me to visit art galleries around the city. There are also neat street artists showing and selling there work. I have talked to many of them they are pretty neat people.

I grew up in a small town and this part of Bloor street reminds me of the main street back home.

The Annex has seen me when I am frustrated, with relationship issues. Seen me when I am sad, when my heart gets broken. Seen me when I am happy, because I have found love again.

Also some of the curbs are a little steep so I have to slow down a little bit to get up and down them.


The independent video store got me in touch with classic movies and a love of film and video. If I am not busy on Friday and Saturday night that is movie night. I also use my local public library to borrow classic movies. On one of my first movie nights I watched two Stanley Kubrick movies back to back, 2001 a space Odyssey and Clockwork Orange. After watching Clockwork Orange I had trouble sleeping for three days. I still sleep with the hallway even though it happened a few years ago.

I also know some of homeless people in the neighbourhood. I volunteer at one of the Out of the Cold programs in the area. One of the codes of the street is never ask a person in a wheelchair for money. One weekday afternoon outside a local pub a drunk homeless asked me for money, A man coming out the pub overheard the exchange, proceeded to tell the other guy off. A fight broke out. Bystanders tryed to block me to protect me, but I was thinking I sort of started the fight I want to see it finish.

I love to go for walks, or in my case drives through the neighborhood especially along Bloor street. It is very nice enjoyable trip for me to be able to relax and think, or talk to friends, old or new I meet along the way. In the summer I always like to walk to clear my mind and think I always come back feeling at least a little better. I have really felt myself grow up in the last four years, I believe the neighborhood has played a key roll in that.

Some final advice go out and thoroughly explore your own community. It can be an interesting experience. Also as long as they look safe, talk to people on the street at least say hi.

SHOT LIST

MY APARTMENT - OUT LIVING ROOM WINDOW

OVERLOOKING DOWNTOWN

LOOKING DOWN ON TO U OF T

OVER TO GET A SHOT KNOX’S [MY CHURCH] STEEPLE

OUT ON BLOOR STREET - CAMERA MOUNTED SHOULDER HEIGHT ON MY CHAIR

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

SLOWING TO GO DOWN 1ST CURB

SHOOT “TAFFELMUSIC” SIGN

SLOWING FOR THE 2ND CURB

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

STOPPING TO SHOOT THE STAIRS @ THE “SUBWAY” SHOP

SLOWING FOR 3RD CURB

STOREFRONT SHOT OF “FINE ARTS” [ART STORE]

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

SLOWING FOR 4TH CURB

SHOT OF BUILDING THAT WAS ACCESSIBLE BUT IS NOW INACCESSIBLE

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

SLOWING FOR 5TH CURB

SHOT OUTSIDE OF “MID CO.” HOBBY STORE INACCESSIBLE

SHOT ACROSS THE STREET “BLOOR STREET CINEMA”

SHOT OF BURGER KING [NOT ACCESSIBLE]

STOP FOR 6TH CURB BLOOR AND BATHURST CROSS AND GO UP SLOWLY

RE-CROSS SHOWING IT IS DIFFICULT EITHER DIRECTION

DRIVE DOWN THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE STREET

SLOW FOR 7TH CURB SET

TAKE SHOT OF “QUEEN VIDEO” SHOP FRONT

REPEAT [4 TIMES]

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

SLOW FOR CURB SHOT

ENDS AT BLOOR AND SPADINA

CREDITS

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video

LIFE BLOORED - Google Video watch here

Life Bloored, I Duct taped a camera to my electric wheelchair, a very fast drive

My name is Adam Cohoon I am 24 years old. I moved to Toronto around five years ago. I live on Bloor Street in the Annex. I was born with cerebral palsy. I use an electric wheelchair to get around the city.

My short video is a sped up trip of my favourite strolling route through my neighbourhood. The route goes from my apartment building along Bloor to Bathurst then back along the other side of Bloor Street. All at an accelerated speed to turn a half an hour journey into a video of just a few minutes.

The video captures the route from my view I enjoy this route but the neighbourhood is not totally wheelchair accessible there some shops that has steps in order to get into them. Some of the curbs in the neighbourhood are steep too.

The video is also about how this neighbourhood has really influenced my love of the arts, whether it is visual, music, film or video. I have really come to enjoy them. I am constantly exposed to them right in my area and just grew to really appreciate them.

In the video I also add my sense of humour. Throughout
writer/narrator: Adam Cohoon

Life Bloored: Narration

I grew up in a couple of small towns in southern Bruce County, Ontario. In what seems to be a geographic black hole for mostly anybody outside of that part of southern Ontario. The population of both towns was about 7000. Since I was five years old I was always mesmerized with Toronto, I knew I was going to live there some day. Even if we were just passing through on a family vacation I could not fall asleep in the car just in case I missed seeing the CN Tower and the skyscrapers that filled the skyline.

Before I left the county a former Torontoian told me don't talk to your Toronto , It is not worth your time, just keep to yourself small town sidewalk chats don’t work in Toronto

Moving to Toronto was a great solution to solve some of the logistical obstacles that I had to deal with growing up in small town Ontario. In 1998 my dream came true, I WAS LIVING IN T.O.!!!
I originally lived near Younge & Davisville. Then in early in 2000 I moved to the Annex.

With lots of independently owned shops, there are only a few big chain shops in the chain shops. The independent stores always give the neighbourhood a unique feeling. I can buy almost anything I need on regular basis right in my neighbourhood. Mind you there are some cool shops in the are want to shop at but can't because of inaccessibility.

The area is not totally perfect there are some shops that are not wheelchair accessible, most by just one step. That is another reason why I would say it reminds me of back home, main street there is the same way.

Being close to the University of Toronto the neighbourhood has a youthful adventurous feeling to it being a young person myself it helps me feel good. My church Knox Presbyterian is full of young people. So I definitely feel like there are people my age I can relate to.

With the street musicians and other musical events it helped expose me to all sorts of music. It really influenced my love of jazz and classical music. I enjoyed listening to it on the street , on a summer night you can have as many seven street musicians playing , music coming out of the many bars and pubs , and wonderful classical music performances coming out of a local church. I thoroughly enjoyed it. started listening to it at home , now I can say I love mostly all music. Music is now a key aspect of my life. I have also learned asking people what kind of music or what are you listening to? If they have headphones on, can start wonderful converstations.

It was also at an Annex art show, which they hold all the time that I fell in love with the visual arts. I can't afford much art but I look at all things around me in a different visual way. It has also encouraged me to visit art galleries around the city. There are also neat street artists showing and selling there work. I have talked to many of them they are pretty neat people.

I grew up in a small town and this part of Bloor street reminds me of the main street back home.

The Annex has seen me when I am frustrated, with relationship issues. Seen me when I am sad, when my heart gets broken. Seen me when I am happy, because I have found love again.

Also some of the curbs are a little steep so I have to slow down a little bit to get up and down them.


The independent video store got me in touch with classic movies and a love of film and video. If I am not busy on Friday and Saturday night that is movie night. I also use my local public library to borrow classic movies. On one of my first movie nights I watched two Stanley Kubrick movies back to back, 2001 a space Odyssey and Clockwork Orange. After watching Clockwork Orange I had trouble sleeping for three days. I still sleep with the hallway even though it happened a few years ago.

I also know some of homeless people in the neighbourhood. I volunteer at one of the Out of the Cold programs in the area. One of the codes of the street is never ask a person in a wheelchair for money. One weekday afternoon outside a local pub a drunk homeless asked me for money, A man coming out the pub overheard the exchange, proceeded to tell the other guy off. A fight broke out. Bystanders tryed to block me to protect me, but I was thinking I sort of started the fight I want to see it finish.

I love to go for walks, or in my case drives through the neighborhood especially along Bloor street. It is very nice enjoyable trip for me to be able to relax and think, or talk to friends, old or new I meet along the way. In the summer I always like to walk to clear my mind and think I always come back feeling at least a little better. I have really felt myself grow up in the last four years, I believe the neighborhood has played a key roll in that.

Some final advice go out and thoroughly explore your own community. It can be an interesting experience. Also as long as they look safe, talk to people on the street at least say hi.

SHOT LIST

MY APARTMENT - OUT LIVING ROOM WINDOW

OVERLOOKING DOWNTOWN

LOOKING DOWN ON TO U OF T

OVER TO GET A SHOT KNOX’S [MY CHURCH] STEEPLE

OUT ON BLOOR STREET - CAMERA MOUNTED SHOULDER HEIGHT ON MY CHAIR

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

SLOWING TO GO DOWN 1ST CURB

SHOOT “TAFFELMUSIC” SIGN

SLOWING FOR THE 2ND CURB

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

STOPPING TO SHOOT THE STAIRS @ THE “SUBWAY” SHOP

SLOWING FOR 3RD CURB

STOREFRONT SHOT OF “FINE ARTS” [ART STORE]

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

SLOWING FOR 4TH CURB

SHOT OF BUILDING THAT WAS ACCESSIBLE BUT IS NOW INACCESSIBLE

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

SLOWING FOR 5TH CURB

SHOT OUTSIDE OF “MID CO.” HOBBY STORE INACCESSIBLE

SHOT ACROSS THE STREET “BLOOR STREET CINEMA”

SHOT OF BURGER KING [NOT ACCESSIBLE]

STOP FOR 6TH CURB BLOOR AND BATHURST CROSS AND GO UP SLOWLY

RE-CROSS SHOWING IT IS DIFFICULT EITHER DIRECTION

DRIVE DOWN THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE STREET

SLOW FOR 7TH CURB SET

TAKE SHOT OF “QUEEN VIDEO” SHOP FRONT

REPEAT [4 TIMES]

DRIVING ALONG THE STREET

SLOW FOR CURB SHOT

ENDS AT BLOOR AND SPADINA

CREDITS

bloored life - Google Video

bloored life - Google Video watch here

Life Bloored, I Duct taped a camera to my electric wheelchair, a very fast drive

My name is Adam Cohoon I am 24 years old. I moved to Toronto around five years ago. I live on Bloor Street in the Annex. I was born with cerebral palsy. I use an electric wheelchair to get around the city.

My short video is a sped up trip of my favourite strolling route through my neighbourhood. The route goes from my apartment building along Bloor to Bathurst then back along the other side of Bloor Street. All at an accelerated speed to turn a half an hour journey into a video of just a few minutes.

The video captures the route from my view I enjoy this route but the neighbourhood is not totally wheelchair accessible there some shops that has steps in order to get into them. Some of the curbs in the neighbourhood are steep too.

The video is also about how this neighbourhood has really influenced my love of the arts, whether it is visual, music, film or video. I have really come to enjoy them. I am constantly exposed to them right in my area and just grew to really appreciate them.

In the video I also add my sense of humour. Throughout

writer/narrator: Adam Cohoon

bloored life - Google Video

bloored life - Google Video - click here to watch my video

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The Guys' Rules

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally
, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear
"the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered
"1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are
perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem
only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did
NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it
will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or other sports

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can,
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can, to give them a bigger laugh

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Google Video

Google Video: "Search thousands of videos, TV shows, movies, and more"

Campaign for Real Beauty

Campaign for Real Beauty: "

low self-esteem

is a serious issue among girls.

92% of girls want to change at least one aspect of their appearance.
Dove believes all girls deserve to see how beautiful they really are
and is committed to raising self-esteem in girls everywhere.
That's why we created the Dove Self-Esteem Fund.

Each of us has the ability to foster positive self-esteem in
others in many ways"

Dove: Campaign for Real Beauty - Google Video

Dove: Campaign for Real Beauty - Google Video: "Dove: Campaign for Real Beauty
Dove
46 sec - Feb 5, 2006
www.campaignforrealbeauty.com"

Dove: Campaign for Real Beauty - Google Video

This commercial always makes me cry

Dove: Campaign for Real Beauty - Google Video: "Dove: Campaign for Real Beauty
Dove
46 sec - Feb 5, 2006
www.campaignforrealbeauty.com"

Budweiser: Clydesdale American Dream - Google Video

Budweiser: Clydesdale American Dream - Google Video: "Budweiser: Clydesdale American Dream
Anheuser-Busch
1 min - Feb 5, 2006
www.budlight.com"

CBC News: TSX closes above 12000 for first time

CBC News: TSX closes above 12000 for first time: "The Toronto stock market rose on strength in energy and gold stocks to a triple-digit gain Monday that took the benchmark index of the TSX into new territory – closing above the 12000 level for the first time in its history.

The S&P/TSX composite index gained 142.91 points to close at 12080.53. The oil and gas sector climbed 2.6 per cent even though the prices of the underlying commodities fell."

Monday, February 06, 2006

USATODAY.com - It's Steel curtains for Seahawks in Super Bowl XL

USATODAY.com - It's Steel curtains for Seahawks in Super Bowl XL: "Pittsburgh's 21-10 victory against the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XL gave a tearful Bill Cowher the missing piece of his legacy and made Ben Roethlisberger, 23, the youngest quarterback to win a Super Bowl. They may also have sent running back Jerome Bettis into retirement with the biggest triumph of a Hall of Fame career coming in the city in which he was raised."

What is the world coming to?

What is the world coming to?

The best and largest dating site for Millionaires, CEOs, rich singles, angel investors, supermodels, cheerleaders, beautiful girls, entrepreneurs and businessman.: "This is the best and largest place in the world to meet successful, beautiful friends and singles for dating, fun, great emails, or a relationship that may last a lifetime.

Does your economic success make it difficult for you to meet that special someone? Why try other dating websites that can only claim success, when you can meet tens of thousands of successful and quality singles and friends right here!

Our clients include CEOs, professional athletes and doctors, lawyers, investors, entrepreneurs, professional models and cheerleaders, engineers, and movie directors,Totally Free To Place Lifetime Ads! just to name a few.

Everyone is welcome here to find their perfect matches or quality friendships. Although many of our customers have income levels up to $100 million, you don't have to be rich or famous to enjoy the site."

USATODAY.com - 'Magic fridge' of Bud Light ices an advertising win

USATODAY.com - 'Magic fridge' of Bud Light ices an advertising win: "For a record eighth-consecutive year, the beer kingpin topped all marketers with the top-rated commercial in USA TODAY's exclusive Ad Meter real-time consumer focus group ranking of the Super Bowl commercials."

super bowl xl ads

USATODAY.com: "10 most popular
Company Description Score
Bud Light A secret fridge stocks Bud Light.
8.39
Budweiser Young Clydesdale dreams big.
8.18
FedEx Cave man uses prehistoric overnight delivery.
7.95
Sierra Mist Sierra Mist can't clear airport security.
7.86
Bud Light Men pretend to work on rooftops, but relax instead.
7.82
Budweiser Sheep streaks at big game.
7.81
Ameriquest Patient's family walks in on medical misunderstanding.
7.80
Bud Light Office manager motivates employees with hidden bottles.
7.69
Ameriquest Plane turbulence creates awkward situation.
7.67
Budweiser Stadium crowd turns a wave into a Bud promotion.
7.65
The rest
Bud Light Man saves himself from scary bear.
7.64
CareerBuilder Chimps celebrate strong sales quarter.
7.55
CareerBuilder Employees commiserate about workplace animals.
7.43
Sprint Man downloads music for burning couch from Sprint phone.
7.22
Michelob Ultra Amber Touch football gets ugly.
7.03
Dove Dove promotes self-esteem fund for young girls.
6.96
Sharpie Pirate mascot uses retractable Sharpie to sign autographs.
6.82
Nationwide Insurance Life moves fast for romance novel cover star Fabio.
6.73
MasterCard MacGyver buys lifesaving gadgets with MasterCard.
6.59
Walt Disn"

Saturday, February 04, 2006

CRAZY LANGUAGE

CRAZY LANGUAGE

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they
are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful
gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever
run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?
And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who
would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch,
I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

I Love Laughter - heaven test

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go to Heaven. St. Peter's there, and when they get to the gate, St. Peter informs them that there will be a test to get into Heaven: they each have to answer one question.

To the teacher, he says, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sank with all its passengers?"

The teacher thinks for a second, and then replies:" That would have been the Titanic, right?" St. Peter lets him through the gate.

St. Peter turns to the Garbage man and, knowing that he was not real good on earth, decides to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

The garbage man guesses: "1228"

"That happens to be right; go ahead."

St. Peter turns to the Lawyer: "Name them."

I Love Laughter - marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!

commitee

f God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines.

Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day.

And God said, "Let the committee draw up a mission statement." And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good.

And evening and morning were the second day.

And God said, "Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage in long-term planning." Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although the question was never satisfactorily resolved, God thought the process was constructive.

And evening and morning were the third day.

And God said, "Let there be a retreat in which the committee can envision functional organization and engage in planning by objectives." The committee considered adjustment of priorities and consequential alternatives to program directions, and God saw that this was good. And God thought that it was even worth all of the coffee and donuts that he had to supply.

And so ended the fourth day.

And God said, "Let the committee be implemented with long-range planning and strategy." The committee considered guidelines and linkages and structural sensitivities, and alternatives and implemental models. And God saw that this was very democratic.

And so would have ended the fifth day, except for the unintentional renewal of the debate about the differences between goals and objectives.

On the sixth day the committee agreed on criteria for adjudicatory assessment and evaluation. This wasn't the agenda that God had planned. He wasn't able to attend, however, because he had to take the afternoon off to create day and night and heaven and earth and seas and plants and stars and trees and seasons and years and sun and moon and birds and fish and animals and human beings.

On the seventh day God rested and the committee submitted its recommendations. It turned out that the recommended forms for things were nearly identical to the way that God had created them; so the committee passed a resolution commending God for his implementation according to the guidelines. There was, however, some opinion expressed that people should have been created in the committee's image.

And God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the committee �

I Love Laughter - poker game

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the Condo clubhouse when Willie loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time, standing at the table. Gus looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"

They draw straws and Harry picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."

Harry goes over to the Willie's apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Harry declares, "Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home."

She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"

Harry says, "I'll go tell him."

A lady tourist noticed the necklace worn by a local Indian.

A lady tourist noticed the necklace worn by a local Indian.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

late to work

~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

~ Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

~ I prefer to remain an enigma.

~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

~ I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

Prayer Candles

Prayer Candles

Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my
daughter and her children were awed by the sight.

The kids were especially curious about the votive candles, so my
daughter asked if they'd each like to light one - which they did.

She explained that is it customary to say a prayer of petition or
thanks, and she was careful to tell them that these are not like
birthday candles.

"Do you have any questions?" she asked.

"No," said the five-year-old, "but if there's a pony outside, it's
mine."

I Love Laughter - I want a spectacular job,

A man exploring the ancient Pyramids of Egypt while on vacation stumbled across a secret room. He sneaked away from the tour group and explored the room. He found a dusty lamp and picked it up. While he wiped the dust off the lamp a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.

"For freeing me from my prison, I will grant you a wish, what will it be sire?"

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."

"Allah Ka Zam!" said the genie. "You're a housewife!"i

I Love Laughter - parenting

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.

"Why?"

"Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, "everyone knows this stuff. Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

"Oh."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."

In God We Trust (2000)

In God We Trust (2000): "A speeding truck sends Robert into purgatory, with the probability of a warm climate. He escapes to Earth and tries to fix things before purgatory catches up with him"

Dear Frankie (2004)

Dear Frankie (2004): "After having responded to her son's numerous letters in the guise of his father, a woman hires a stranger to pose as his dad when meeting him."

"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?"

"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?"

"Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out of the way restaurant and then to an apartment."

A big smile crossed the woman's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating." Is there any doubt what he was doing?"

"No ma'am." replied the sleuth, " It's pretty clear that he was following you!

I Love Laughter - dentures

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them on. "Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair -- try these."

The speaker tried them on and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He said, "I have one more pair. Try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."

With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went to thank the man who had helped him.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker."

Friday, February 03, 2006

Comedian Dave Chappelle said on Friday he walked away from his hit TV show because he felt stressed out and manipulated but would return if more of th

Entertainment News Article | Reuters.com: "Comedian Dave Chappelle said on Friday he walked away from his hit TV show because he felt stressed out and manipulated but would return if more of the show's revenue can be given to deserving causes.

In an interview with Oprah Winfrey billed as his first since he stunned the entertainment industry last April by abandoning 'Chappelle's Show' after signing a $50 million contract, Chappelle denied he was crazy, had been on drugs or spent time in an African psychiatric hospital."

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Pop star Britney Spears will give her first public performance since giving birth last fall

Entertainment News Article | Reuters.com: "LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Pop star Britney Spears will give her first public performance since giving birth last fall when she appears in an upcoming episode of the NBC sitcom 'Will & Grace.'

Rather than singing or playing herself, Spears, 24, will take a stab at comedy acting, portraying a Christian conservative talk show host in a guest appearance on the gay-themed series, NBC said on Wednesday.

She will share most of her scenes with the flamboyant 'Will & Grace' character Jack, played by Emmy winner Sean Hayes, an NBC spokesman said.

The episode, marking Spears' first gig as an entertainer since giving birth to a son in September, will be taped February 15 and air on April 13. Her last real experience as an actress came in the 2002 teen road film 'Crossroads.'"

Eight cell phones, $160,000, and a good idea -- could this be the future of film-making?

Entertainment News Article | Reuters.com: "JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - Eight cell phones, $160,000, and a good idea -- could this be the future of film-making?

South African director Aryan Kaganof thinks so. And to prove it, he made SMS Sugar Man, which is billed as the world's first feature film shot entirely on mobile phones.

SMS Sugar Man was filmed on eight phone cameras over 11 days with three main characters for less than 1 million rand ($164,100). As well as traditional cinema screenings, the film will be beamed to cell phones in 30 three-minute episodes over the course of a month.

Kaganof says the tale of a pimp and two high-class prostitutes cruising around Johannesburg on Christmas Eve is blazing a trail for a new, democratic approach to film that will slash the cost of both making and viewing movies"

BBC NEWS | Technology | Man sues over iPod 'hearing risk'

BBC NEWS | Technology | Man sues over iPod 'hearing risk': "Computer giant Apple is being sued in the US by a man who says its iPod music player can cause loss of hearing.

The lawsuit, filed in California, claims iPods are 'inherently defective in design and are not sufficiently adorned with adequate warnings"

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