Saturday, February 18, 2006

Bad Commencement Advice.....

Bad Commencement Advice.....

14. "*Never* take the DA's first offer."

13. "As you endeavor to make your mark in the world, remember
this passage from 'Mein Kampf'..."

12. "There is no problem so small that it can't be solved with
excessive violence."

11. "College can wait. Take a few years off to hone your Mortal
Kombat skills to razor-sharp perfection!"

10. "As you walk down that great highway of life, ask yourself
one question: Why don't I own a car?"

9. "Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards."

8. "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask who you can sue."

7. "If you see someone who looks like they might be from another
country, greet him or her with a warm handshake and say, 'Welcome to
America, Pancho!'"

6. "Computer science has already peaked, therefore I recommend
the plumbing sciences."

5. "Get rich quick schemes NEVER work -- be patient and embezzle
slowly over long periods of time."

4. "Remember: It's not important WHAT you do, so long as it gets
you on TV."

3. "Max out that credit card right away -- the bank never would
have given it to you if you didn't have a high paying job in your
immediate future."

2. "If there's one thing the world needs, it's more mimes."

and the Number 1 Worst Word of Advice in a Commencement Speech...

1. "You can never own too many cats."

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