Saturday, February 19, 2005

Product Warnings

Product Warnings

Due to lawsuits the following warnings are now required:

- On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With
Sun Shield in Place"

-On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.

-On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as
a substitute for human companionship.

-On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.

-On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.

-On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to
groin area.

-On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.

-On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an
earthquake.

-On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.

-On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

-On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.

-On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.

-On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the
manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling
charge, for a total of $4.97.

-On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.

-On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.

-On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No
meteorological warranties express or implied.

-On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.

-On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.

-On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause vomiting.

-On a revolving door: Passenger compartments for individual use
only.

-On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they
appear.

-On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct
words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

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