Saturday, January 15, 2005

I Love Laughter 17 : Church Bulletin Bloopers

Church Bulletin Bloopers
http://sermonfodder.com/

~ Song Lyrics: What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and briefs to bear.

~ Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across the street: Safeway
saves you more!

~ For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care and pray for the
children in school). When their meeting was cancelled one week: There
will be no Moms who care this week.

~ This one I said myself during the congregational prayer when
leading prayer for our unsaved loved ones: Father, we just want to
pray for our unloved saved ones.

~ A woman's blouse was found at a table in the middle of the servant
appreciation dinner. If you lost your blouse, please come to the
church office.

~ Overeaters Anonymous meeting will be held at 8 pm in the large room.

~ The ladies in the style show will meet with their dresses down in
front after morning worship.

~ A worm welcome to all who have come today.

~ Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford"

~ Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.

~ Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

~ Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.

~ Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

~ For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the
dividing asunder of soup and spirit.

- Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
Please remember those who are shut-in during bath weather.

~ We pray that our people will jumble themselves.

~ May God give us increasing hunger for the Blob.

~ Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows

~ Child care provided with reservations.

= Tonight, Pastor will preach on "Diving Healing."

~ Janet Smith has volunteered to strip, and refinish the communion
table in the sanctuary.

~ Were you there when they laid Him in the bomb?
~ Christ is a member of Boy Scout Troop 36.
~ Please come...you will be gald you did.
~ Mark your calendars not to attend the church retreat.
- My joke is easy and my burden is light.

~ I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you
gave me drink.

~ We are an autonomous body, opearting under the hardship of Jesus Christ.

~ The Honeymooners are now having bile studies each Tuesday evening
at 7:30 p.m.

~ Hymn of Invitation: "Whoever He Leads I'll Go"
~ The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.

~ Worshipers are asked to wail until all have been served to partake
of the Body and the Blood of Christ.

- Pray for continual growth in the lives of many of our teens--that a
food foundation will be laid in their lives.

~ Boars of Trustees
- We are always happy to have you sue our facility.

~ I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even
though he diets, yet shall be live.

~ Hymn: I Need Three Every Hour

~ All children are requested to bring fresh followers to decorate the
cross for Easter Sunday.

~ The King's Bras will present a concert at our church this evening at 6.

~ Women in the Word starts next week. There are several different
studies to choose from. Ladies, make sure you sign up for a stud
before next week.

This week's sermon: "When is Sex Not Enough?"

Opening Hymn: "I Need Thee Every Hour"

*Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.

*If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose
a check and drip in the collection basket.

*Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.
*Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."
*Newsletter! s are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.
*Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
*The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral.

*The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church
board.

*As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof
outing.

*Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
*Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
*Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

*For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to
the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.

*Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
*Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather.
*Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.
*The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working...

As printed in "Dear Webby's Humor Letter" newsletter. Please note
that some of these were original items "borrowed" from an earlier
Sermon Fodder posting without credit.

http://sermonfodder.com/



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