ARC'S REVUE: January 2010

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN
> > SHOPPING
> >
> > After I retired, my wife insisted
> > that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
> > Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
> > preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate,
> > my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday
> > my dear wife received the following letter from
> > the local Target.
> >
> > Dear Mrs.
> > Samuel,
> >
> > Over the past six months, your
> > husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We
> > cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
> > both of you from the store. Our complaints against your
> > husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by
> > our video surveillance
> > cameras.
> >
> > 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms
> > and randomly put them in other people's carts when they
> > weren't looking.
> >
> > 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks
> > in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
> > intervals.
> >
> > 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato
> > juice on the floor leading to the women's
> > restroom.
> >
> > 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee
> > and told her in an official voice,
> > 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it
> > right away'. This caused the employee to leave her
> > assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
> > Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,
> > causing management to lose time and costing the company
> > money.
> >
> > 5. August 4: Went to the Service
> > Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
> > layaway.
> >
> > 6.. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION -
> > WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
> >
> > 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the
> > camping department and told the children shoppers he'd
> > invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
> > from the bedding department to which twenty children
> > obliged.
> >
> > 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if
> > they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why
> > can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs
> > were called.
> >
> > 9.. September 4: Looked right into
> > the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked
> > his nose.
> >
> > 10. September 10: While handling
> > guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where
> > the antidepressants were.
> >
> > 11. October 3: Darted around the
> > store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission
> > Impossible' theme.
> >
> > 12. October 6: In the auto
> > department, he practiced his 'Madonna
> > look by using different sizes of funnels.
> >
> > 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing
> > rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!
> > PICK ME!'
> >
> > 14. October 21: When an announcement
> > came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and
> > screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
> >
> > And last, but not
> > least:
> >
> > 15. October 23: Went into a fitting
> > room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very
> > loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the
> > clerks passed out.
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